When you hear the word hope, what image or thought does your mind conjure up? I thought hope only had to do with those going through cancer or some life-threatening illness. I saw and heard those words a lot when I was going through my cancer treatments. I used it every day I entered the hospital setting as a patient. I'd make internal statements in my head- I hope nobody makes an error today and kills me. (Ok, I know a little dramatic, but I'm a nurse I've seen things :o) I tend to analyze things, and this is just another one of those times. I'm digging into what hope means- to Me.
When I look up the word hope, it says -to long for, wish, have an eye to, have one's heart set on, have a fancy for; desire, be bent upon, aspire to, dream of; languish for, yearn for, hanker for, crave, pine for, hunger or thirst for, pant for. Yet, these are all just words. I used the word hope or hoped 26 times in my book. So, it looks like it means a lot to me. It means to have confidence and trust that something that you wish for will happen. We can all hope to win millions of dollars in the lottery, but really can you have confidence and trust in that? No. That's more of a wish, a desire.
My mother loved this quote from Emily Dickinson: When she passed away (9 months ago), I came across many of her favorite quotes and inspirational messages. I know that she believed in hope (Miss you, Mom xoxo). And so, do I.
We say things like:
I hope it doesn't rain today
I hope I don't get sick
I hope that I can get some time off from work
I hope you have a good day
I hope you feel better
I think you get the picture. Hope for me means to have something to hold on to with passion. So do hope and desire go hand in hand? I've had hope before- as a teenager; I hoped that my father would stop drinking. I hoped that he would see what he was doing and become a normal father, like the one he was on Cape Cod when he wasn't drinking, that we'd become an average family- Not the one that everybody stared at on Sunday mornings in church. That never happened. It was my hope for my family, but it wasn't his.
That's when I lost all hope.
That continued for quite some time in my 20s and 30s. I had zero hope—my passion deadened by a dark menacing cloud. An awakening (I call it my first spiritual awakening :) ) brought me to my senses- I got out of a miserable marriage and moved on. My hope started to come alive again. I hoped that I would get into nursing school. I hoped that I could raise my two children in a calm, peaceful environment. I hoped that they would have respect for me. I hoped that I was a good role model. I was a single mom working part-time and going to school full time- I had great hope for my future along with theirs.
My hope was alive. I got accepted into nursing school, and I graduated. I bought a new car for myself, a new home on a quiet cul de sac in a quaint town. I found the love of my life when I wasn't looking.
Keep your passion alive! Keep hope alive in your soul even when you have seemed to have lost your way. I know it will be worth it in the long run.
I hope that when you read this, you'll appreciate my need to reach out to others. The world needs more hope and passion.
My hopes for you- my readers:
I hope you are happy
I hope that you feel loved
I hope you live in a safe, nurturing home
I hope you get through the cancer treatments and that it never returns :)
I hope you know how much I appreciate you
Be well until next time.
Hugs,
Sue